BACK TO ENGLISH CONTENTS
BEYOND THE CLOUDS OF OUR PROBLEMS
FATHERS WITHOUT THEIR KIDS
A marriage break-up is never pleasant, and if you have been through that disaster I feel for you. This article is directed at a unique group of people, - fathers who have lost their children through the misuse of the law of the land. In the country where I live, laws exist to protect women and children who are being abused by a husband and father. I am grateful that that help is available for such people in need.
But there seems to be no protection at all for the minority of husbands and/or fathers who have been wrongly accused by a woman who is using the system for dishonest means. Let us be sure of what I am saying. For those women and children who are being mistreated, I am glad that laws exist to protect them. However, sometimes, there are women who are prepared to be careless with the truth (to understate it), to achieve financial gain for themselves as well as sole rights to the children.
If you as a father have been in that situation, I feel for you - especially because so few people want to support you, assuming that you must be guilty of the charges and the slander against you.
One thing you mustn't do. If in your frustration and despair you turn to violence you will give fuel to your enemies, not to mention the harm that could come to the recipients of the violence. Further, if you were to choose a violent path you may destroy any hope of ever seeing your kids again.
Let me tell you what a friend of mine did. His marriage had deteriorated into a daily verbal slanging match, with everyone yelling at each other. Something had to give. But my friend's wife lied to the authorities, and threatened to lie more if proceedings continued. And in her dealings with court officers she put on her best charm, catching them them completely off guard. Now she has ended up with sole custody of the children, as well as the major part of my friend's assets.
What should my friend have done? Many urged him to keep fighting her in court. He decided not to do so, and settled instead for trying to maintain good relationships with his ex. He got a job with children and they loved him. He moved to working with teenagers, and they adopted him as warmly as had the children. My friend goes out of his way to help people, and his pleasant personality and good reputation are in stark contrast to the lies of his ex and her attempts to destroy him.
Even when all is done, if you still can't see your children, yet are burdened with supporting them for years, consider the alternatives. If you fight your ex, you certainly won't see your kids, and you may go broke in the process. In the end you'll finish up a bitter, broken shadow of your past.
May I suggest that you read especially, three articles in this website: "Beyond Your Problems There Is Hope", "God's Incredible Promise", and maybe, "Feel Like Ending It All?" If you really take on board the advice in these articles, you will find peace in your heart. If your ex gets to know how you may have changed, she may soften the hard line that she has taken, and you may get to see your children. If not, you will at least be at peace and better able to continue. I feel for you, and hope that things will eventually work out well for you.
Just one other thing, and it is important. If you have genuinely taken on board the advice in the articles above, you can ask God to help you. Ask Him, every day, to watch over your kids. Ask Him too, to soften the selfish hard line taken by your ex. God has many ways of sorting out our problems - ways of which we have never thought.
May God bless you.
BEYOND THE CLOUDS OF OUR PROBLEMS
Copyright © G.S.BOARD 28 July 2003 All Rights Reserved.
BEEN HELPED BY THIS WEBSITE? PLEASE TELL OTHERS ABOUT IT TOO -
ESPECIALLY THOSE WHO MAY BE GOING THROUGH A DIFFICULT TIME.